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Dark Conspiracy

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Posted by Stormin Mormon on October 12, 2003, 8:11 pm

Dark Conspiracy Involving Electrical Power Companies Surfaces
Rewritten by the Quantum Mechanic

For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to believe
they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer, a service for
which they charge a substantial rate. The recent accidental acquisition of
secret records from a well known power company has led to a massive research
campaign which positively explodes several myths and exposes the massive
hoax which has been perpetrated upon the public by the power companies.

The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs emitted
light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK which is then
transported back to the power generation stations via wire networks. A more
descriptive name has now been coined; the new scientific name for the device

This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory, which
proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark has great
mass, and further, that dark particle (the anti-photon) is the fastest known
particle in the universe. Apparently, even the celebrated Dr. Albert
Einstein did not suspect the truth.. that just as COLD is the absence of
HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE of DARK... scientists have now proven
that light does not really exist!

The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck dark.
Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are right now. There
is much less dark right next to the darksuckers than there is elsewhere,
demonstrating their limited range. The larger the darksucker, the greater
its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a parking lot or on a football
field have a much greater capacity than the ones used in the home, for
example. Because of their larger capacity, they need larger wires to
transport the dark back to the power company.

It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a
celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark, sucking
it in from all the planets and intervening dark space. Naturally, the Sun is
better able to suck dark from the planets which are situated closer to it,
thus explaining why those planets appear brighter than do those which are
far distant from the Sun.

Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions, dark spots
appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long studied these
'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize that the dark spots
represent leaks of high pressure dark because the Sun has oversucked dark to
such an extent that some dark actually leaks back into space. This leakage
of high pressure dark frequently causes problems with radio communic ations
here on Earth due to collisions between the dark particles as they stream
out into space at high velocity via the black 'holes' in the surface of the

As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime caused by
the fact that they are not 100% efficient at transmitting collected dark
back to the power company via the wires from your home, causing dark to
build up slowly within the device. Once they are full of accumulated dark,
they can no longer suck. This condition can be observed by looking for the
black spot on a full darksucker when it has reached maximum capacity of
untransmitted dark... you have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds
a full darksucker because it no longer has the capacity to suck any dark at

A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will
notice that after the first use the wick turns black, representing all the
dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of
an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of
the dark flowing into the candle. It is of no use to plug a candle into an
electrical outlet; it can only collect dark..... it has no transmission
capabilities. Unfortunately, these primitive darksuckers have a very limited
range and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.

There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in these
devices collect dark which is passed to a dark storage unit called a
battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied (a
process called 'recharging') or replaced before the portable darksucker can
continue to operate. If you break open a battery, you will find dense black
dark inside, evidence that it is actually a compact dark storage unit.

The darksuckers on your automobile are high capacity units with great range,
thus they require much larger dark storage units mounted under the hood of
the vehicle. Since there is far more dark available in the winter season,
automobile dark storage units reach capacity more frequently than they do in
the summer, requiring 'recharging', or in severe cases, total replacement.

Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction caused
by the speed and mass of the dark particles (called anti-photons) actually
generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise to touch an operating
darksucker. Candles represent a special problem, as the dark must travel
into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great
amount of heat, making it very dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Because dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just below
the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of dark, to be more
precise). As you go deeper and deeper beneath the surface, you will notice
that it gets darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately
fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark
sinks to the bottom of the lake, making it appear 'lighter' near the

The power companies have learned to use the dark which has settled to the
bottom of lakes and rivers by pushing it through turbines, which generates
the electricity used to pump the dark toward the ocean where it may be
safely stored for their devious purposes.

Prior to the development of turbines, it was much more difficult to get the
dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this
problem, and developed means to assist the flow of dark on its long journey
to the ocean. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as
the flow of dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to impede the flow of dark;
but when they travelled against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to
help propel the dark along its way.

Scientists are working feverishly to develop exotic new instumentation with
which to measure the actual speed and energy level of dark. While such
instumentation is beyond the capabilities of the average layman, you can
actually perform a test to demonstrate the unbelievable speed of dark, right
in your own home.

All that is required for the simple test is a closed desk drawer situated in
a bright room. You know from past experience that the tightly shut drawer is
FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on the drawer's handle. Quickly
yank the drawer open.. the dark immediately disappears, demonstrating the
blinding speed with which the dark travels to the nearest darksucker!

The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies. Dark
must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect it in vast
quantities. By some well hidden method, more modern power 'generation'
facilities have devised methods to hide their collection of dark. The older
facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles of solidified dark in
huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these facilities are told that the huge
black piles of material are supplies of coal, but such is not the case.

The power companies have long used secret acronyms to disguise their
activities; 'D.C.' stands for 'Dark Conspiracy', while 'A.C.' is suspected
to represent the 'Alternate Conspiracy' which will most likely be used
exclusively once the secrets of D.C. are totally understood. D.C. is rapidly
yielding its secrets to the probing eyes and instruments of honest
scientists around the world. The U.S. Attorney General is considering action
to be taken against the power companies for the theft and stockpiling of
dark from 'consumers'. New developments are being announced every day and we
promise to keep the public informed of these announcements as they occur via
this newsletter.



Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus

Posted by mark Ransley on October 12, 2003, 8:56 pm
 you better quit smokin that stuff  before its to late,  sounds like it
already may be

Posted by Perry Noid on October 12, 2003, 10:27 pm

I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks stormin ;oD

Posted by Michael Baugh on October 12, 2003, 10:59 pm
 It's at http://www.jokehut.com/darkconspiracy.htm

Posted by slipstick on November 11, 2003, 4:30 pm
 Yea, you gota watch them dark suckers.






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